1900HOTDOG

Learning Day: Develop Your Psychic Power 🌭

I'm pretty pissed I spent over thirty years unaware that I could get psychic powers for the same price as endless shrimp at Red Lobster. That's right, for just $15.99, you could own a real VHS tape that will teach you how to be psychic! I only have exactly $15.99 to spare, and it was a tough decision, but I know from past experience that the phrase endless shrimp is a misnomer. Th...

Upsetting Day: Gary Busey Pet Judge 🌭

Things are getting dire in the streaming era. Nearly everyone has their own streaming service. I do. It’s called Brok and so far I only have the rights to rebroadcast a Slovakian public access documentary about tainted wells and every single episode of Joey. I’ve made eighteen dollars this month from ads assuring my viewers that discount tire companies are here for yo...

Fucking Day: Crazy Love 🌭

For centuries, romantic couples knew only eight "insanely creative ways to show love." Finally, decades after fuck scholars had given up, Grace Edwards published CRAZY LOVE which promised "More Than 200 Insanely Creative Ways to Show Love!" There was only one problem. Grace Edwards was a liar-- a stupid, corny liar with seemingly unlimited wealth and cobwebs where her genitals onc...

Nerding Day: Zorklon 🌭

Once, long ago, there was a comedy website that only wanted three simple things: to make people laugh, to teach them a few things, and to make enough money to rescue every monkey that knew how to flip someone off. It succeeded in two of those goals, before getting piledriven into the dirt by corporate scavengers. Some of its archives have been deleted, some of them have been corru...

Punching Day: The Many Certain Deaths of Commando Cody, Part 2 🌭

When we last left Cody, flying Sky Marshal of the Universe, he had taken a bothersome shoulder bonk and was tumbling off a cliff to his certain death!

How is flying Cody, the flying Commando of the skies going to get out of this one!? Can you guess? You have only seconds left to guess!

2020-09-15 12:00:04 +0000 UTC View Post

Learning Day: The Most Efficient Way To Do Everything 🌭

Once, long ago, there was a comedy website that only wanted three simple things: to make people laugh, to teach them a few things, and to make enough money to buy a company hovercraft. It succeeded in two of those goals, before getting piledriven into the dirt by corporate scavengers. Some of its archives have been deleted, some of them have been corrupted, and some just suck. You...

Upsetting Day: Babyland Hospital 🌭

Have you ever wanted to visit Cleveland, Georgia? Probably not because you know someplace is shitty when it’s not even the name brand version of Cleveland. Or, maybe there’s just something about the place that seems off-putting to you. An otherworldly chill that creeps d...

Fucking Day: Classic Remaster - Way of the Barbarian 🌭

Once, long ago, there was a comedy website that only wanted three simple things: to make people laugh, to teach them a few things, and to make enough money to become immune to human laws. It succeeded in two of those goals, before getting piledriven into the dirt by corporat...

Nerding Day: The Many Certain Deaths of Commando Cody 🌭

In the 1950s, it was pretty normal for a superhero to be some guy with a rocket pack. One of those superheroes was known as Commando Cody - Sky Marshal of The Universe! Each of Cody's adventures ended with him in the perilous clutches of certain dea...

Punching Day: Classic Remaster - Brockway's MC and Seanbaby's CYODFMA 🌭

Once, long ago, there was a comedy website that only wanted three simple things: to make people laugh, to teach them a few things, and to make enough money to buy the Gymkata zombie village. It succeeded in two of those goals, before getting piledriven into the dirt...

Learning Day: How to Catch Fairies 🌭

This book is called How to Catch Fairies which you might think to mean something like "how to find the magic inside yourself" or "craft shopping on a budget," but it's exactly what it sounds like. The author and witch, Gilly Sergiev, seems to really believe the nigh...

Upsetting Day: Classic Remaster - Dumb Things White People Think About Other Races 🌭

Once, long ago, there was a comedy website that only wanted three simple things: to make people laugh, to teach them a few things, and to make enough money to skywrite a new penis every day of the week. It succeeded in two of those goals, before getting piledriven into the dirt by corpor...

Fucking Day: Chippendales Board Game 🌭

Hi, readers of 1900HOTDOG! It's Fucking Day, so let's share the most erotic of activities: the board game. "What a sarcastic fellow," you're thinking, but no, warm those genitals up and look at what we're playing:

2020-09-03 15:01:00 +0000 UTC View Post

Nerding Day: CYOA Remaster - Fuck This Blurry Arcade 🌭

Hi, I’m Robert Brockway from the Internet. You may know me from my time at Cracked.com, an affiliate store website that also once published comedy. I wrote a series called “Choose Your Own Drug-Fueled Misadventure,” that the creators of Choose Your Own Adventure Books once called �...

Punching Day: SELF-DEFENSE For YOUR CHILD 🌭

There was once a man named Bruce Tegner who spent the '70s writing the same martial arts book over and over and over then changing the name of the martial art on the cover. He was a shin-kicking, backfisting master of a thing he called Judo, Aikido, Jukaido, Tai Chi, Ju-...

Reflecting Day: It's Time to Fire Topper! 🌭

Greetings Hot Dogs, please light the SOMBER INTROSPECTION AND GENITAL ENLARGEMENT incense that I know you all bought from the Olde 1900HOTDOG Catalogue for Healthe, Wellnesse, and Amateur Crime-fightinge. Yes, it is once again time for Reflecting Day, and I will be your host. I ...

Upsetting Day: Fucking WHAT, Archie?! 🌭

In 1980, Archie Comics Group published Archie #298 of the Archie Series, and I am here 40 years later to make the case for it being the craziest comic ever published. It is the first media of any kind to ever score the rating of MAXIMUM!? on the Archie Derangometer, whic...

Fucking Day: Fighting Game Girl Fetish 🌭

Video games are just a normal thing people do now in between pornography and sleep, and it’s great. But Gamers, as a culture, are still pretty vile. They have a lot of problems with women. And minorities. And trans people. And other gamers. They basically absorbed all the worst parts o...

Nerding Day: Everyone That the Wonder Twins Rescued Should Be Dead 🌭

In 1977, the Super Friends introduced brother and sister teen aliens who had the ill-defined ability to transform into any kind of animal and any kind of water when they touched. The "Wonder Twins" had a sidekick space monkey clearly operating under the rules of the wron...

Punching Day: The Way Cobra Eats Pizza 🌭

There are exactly two categories of human on this earth: Those who can recite most of the 1986 Sylvester Stallone film Cobra by heart, and those who only know it as, "That movie where Sly eats a piece of pizza with scissors."* I believe what I have to say here will be of interes...

Learning Day: My Favorite Manly Hot Dog Man 🌭

First of all: WOW. Thank you for supporting 1-900-Hot-Dog! When Robert and Sean launched this thing... I gotta admit, I thought it’d fail. I didn’t think the Internet could support a daily publication covering the latest news, challenges, and innovations in the hot dog industry. It�...

Teamworking Day: The Rumble in the Bronx Clubhouse 🌭

Brockway: The 1980s and ‘90s were periods of rapid, tumultuous societal change. There was really only one unifying thread binding them together: Their undying certainty that gangs all hung out in cool Peter Pan-style clubhouses. Maybe there were other things. I don’t...

Podcasting Day: Guess what? IT'S ABOUT RUMBLE IN THE BRONX. 🌭

Brockway: Oh shit, it’s Podcasting Day! Because there are new podcast episodes right here! That’s right, plural! Here’s Part 1<...

Teamworking Day: The Complete Rumble in the Bronx Breakdown, Part 3 🌭

Seanbaby: Rumble in the Bronx follows the classic 10-Act Jackie Chan film structure (see below), and we set out to find the best moment from each one. Not the best sequences or stunts -- that's not what makes this movie magical. We wanted to rate thos...

Teamworking Day: The Complete Rumble in the Bronx Breakdown, Part 2 🌭

Seanbaby: Rumble in the Bronx follows the classic 10-Act Jackie Chan film structure (see below), and we set out to find the best moment from each one. Not the best sequences or stunts -- that's not what makes this movie magical. We wanted to rate thos...

Teamworking Day: The Complete Rumble in the Bronx Breakdown, Part 1 🌭

There was once a hugely successful martial arts actor known in Asia for his daring, creative stunts. After a dozen hit kung fu films this man finally made his American debut in 1980 with... The Big Brawl, which nobody watched. America wasn't ready yet. So this man went back to C...

Upsetting Day: The Boy Who Could Fly 🌭

Anthropologists believe the very first joke was invented some two million years ago, when a Homo habilis held an oversized elongated object up to his crotch and said, "Whoa, look at this! Haha. Eh? Honey, are you looking? Hey." But modern humor as we know it wouldn't be invented...

Fucking Day: Girls X Battle 2 🌭

You know those anime games about collecting and sort of phantom-banging schoolgirls? Th-

Hush...

Nerding Day: Jokes For Minecrafters 🌭

What is comedy? Is there a learnable architecture to making others laugh? Yes, of course. Comedy is one thing to all people: elements of the game Minecraft scattered without reason among the last words of a dementia patient. It's JOKES FOR MINECRAFTERS.

2020-08-12 15:00:04 +0000 UTC View Post