Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Day of the Happy Boys

Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we take turns riding in each other’s BabyBjorns.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where anything can be a burrito if you put beans in it and eat it in the sun.

Sissyneck definitely has a theme going this month, let’s see if you can spot it…

That’s right: It’s water features! From toilets to fountains, Webster’s dictionary defines water features as “looks like you have used up all your free words, subscribe now to read more.” In next month’s Sissyneck Corner, we’ll ask you to spot all ten differences between two pictures of a man struggling with low fiber intake!

Now let’s move on to the Comments, where Kathryn has a very particular set of skills, and they are all based around Mandarin insult-gifting.

Kathryn has an extensive gallery of obscure but vile headgear for every profession and occasion, only she can help us decode the secret message in every episode of Mountain Monsters.

To be fair, FancyShark actually had a perfectly reasonable context for saying this:

To be fair, Pee-Wee’s Uncle actually had no reasonable context for saying this:

There’s no non-weird reason, Pee-Wee’s Uncle. Wait- smuggling a child into a puppet vault for heist purposes. Okay, there’s one normal reason.

Mascot Week brought us a lot of worrisome answers about those secret men in their foam rubber masks. Answers such as “bees,” “grape nut magnetism,” and “an apocalyptic police standoff.” Yet Matthew Harris still had questions…

Luckily Kevin Lynch had an answer for him:

It wasn’t a relevant answer, but Mascot Week obeys no human logic.

Sisyphus_101 nails down the Hot Dog Vibe:

While Joshua Graves drills right down to the core Hot Dog Philosophy.

From romance coupons to magic grifters, all Hot Dog subjects share one thing in common: They saw a media market functioning without disease and madness and thought “I can fix that.”

But perhaps it’s Rosstifer and Frank, together, who truly represent all that 1900HOTDOG has to offer.

Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month!

It’s Photographer Ape-

No, we can’t call him that.

Reporter Ape-

Nope.

Camera Ape-

Fuck.

Everyone, meet Todd!

Now on to the Discord, where only Mo seems to appreciate how Douglas Schwartz and Michael Berk revolutionized the entire storytelling archetype.

Over in the Bigfeets channel, Adrienne proposed a new type of Captcha.

Rest assured that Gas Station Boner Pill Overdose is verifiably human.

It’s not all obscure jokes and deep research into fringe lunatics on the Hot Dog Discord. Sometimes it’s about connection. Romantic connection. Just ask Dan B and Badger.

Velo wrote the whole site our very own Weird Al style parody song!

Regardless of your opinion on parody songs, you have to respect the dedication and effort involved. Oh wait, actually, we double-checked with Rachel, and it turns out you don’t.

A lot of folks are looking around for someone to blame for Mascot Week. Some say Seanbaby was responsible, he just wanted another reason to talk about Volto. Some say Brockway did it because he can’t show love without punishment. Still others say it was a rare Lydia atrocity. All incorrect.

Platonic is where you should be mailing your bombs full of human feces. Please stop mailing them to the Hot Dog offices. It’s not that we don’t like them, it’s that we don’t even get them. We have an elaborate system of traps designed just to thwart mailmen.

Some time ago, Javo wrote an article about John Fenley, the noble idiot who tried to start the worst business idea anyone ever had, and tried to do it in Crime Narnia. It’s a thorough analysis of the fail state of the human brain, but if you don’t have time to read it, Djonin made you a quick video primer. All audio is provided by Fenley himself. No, seriously. That’s really him. He’s gone completely insane trying to stop go-kart theft.

Djonin does not win Appreciation Day this month for his video montage of a shattered life. He wins Appreciation Day for tagging John Fenley in that video and making him like it. Congratulations, Djonin!

You win the rarest prize we have: this photo of dignified and dangerous martial arts master Jackie Chan looking bashful in his cute little outfit.

This is the only one in existence and he’s so protective of his image. He’ll kill you if he knows you have this!

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll glue corn to them and teach them to fear crows again.

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You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.