Random Kink Advice For Noobs

• Untying rope can cause blood pressure crashes which can, in turn, worsen some existing illnesses. Deep throating can lead to hemorrhagic lesions and STIs. Impact play can lead to renal failure. If you’re moving into an unexplored kink, don’t assume it has no risks. Go and speak to more experienced players. Don’t underestimate how a health condition can affect your play. These hazards can come at you from the left field.

• Shayblondie is a rope top with a medical qualification. If you’re new to rope, her blog is an amazing resource.

• Great toys are worth it. They’re also cheaper than cheap toys if you look at their lifetime costs. If you can afford a beautiful Lelo or a stunning flogger, don’t pinch pennies. You won’t regret it.

• Hardware stores are perfectly respectable toy shops. There is some authenticity to be found in cable ties and a length of tape. If you don’t have any pennies to pinch, nobody will look at you skew for hauling out hardware during a scene.

• If you’re playing with a new partner, do it on an opt-in basis. There are a thousand shades of grey between consent and an opt-out list of limits. There’s no reason to expose yourself to those shades.

• Stop agonizing about whether you’re a switch, a bottom, or a d-type. You will change your role several times. It’s a drop-down menu, not a legal document. You can change it as often as you damned well please, and you probably should. Evolution is a sign that you’re paying attention to your own desires and preferences.

• The only thing references are good for is finding other references. Of course they’re not going to send you to the person they destroyed.

• If you’re a masochist, you will get an injury. This is not in question, and tops don’t always contribute to the medical bills. Make sure you negotiate this. When you’re a year into a severe disability and can’t work a full day, you will be grateful you exercised more caution than you wanted to.

• Revenge porn happens more often than you think. A trusted partner can quickly transform into a vindictive stalker after a breakup. Intimate image abuse is a risk, and it’s one you should consider carefully in your RACK process. Just ask every dudebro with an album full of untagged sex partners.

• Being extreme does not equal being cool. You don’t have to be the scariest sadist at the party. You don’t have to be a TPE slave either. There’s no such thing as “fitting in” in your own bedroom. There are two or more people in there, and they’re the only ones who are relevant to your kinks.

• Just because your play partner is an influential part of your kink community, doesn’t mean you can trust them. Rape survivors are less likely to report assaults by influential people because they know the backlash they’ll endure. Just ask Andrew Tate. And The Wolf. And Russel Brand.

• Just because she’s a Fetlebrity, doesn’t mean she won’t steal your cupcakes. She abso-bloody-lutely will.

• If you don't number your lists, you can't put everything in the wrong order.